Belated Epilogue to Lent... followed by a promise not to post any more sports-related blogs for a long, long time.

How do you break Lent with your church after service?  For most people, that's easy.  Just bring whatever food from which you fasted.  But if your Lent involves ESPN, then you might have someone print out an ESPN.com Page 2 article and seal it in an envelope to be read by you after church.  And it can't be any article, but one that at least three different people have tried talking to you about in the two days since it was published.  Bonus points if it's written by your favorite ESPN columnist.  Double bonus points if it incorporates your favorite subject matter.  Triple bonus points if it involves your favorite columnist who happens to loathe your favorite subject matter confessing to the awesomeness of said subject matter.

I present the following excerpts from the Sports Guy himself:

"What makes for an NBA MVP?

"I concentrate on three questions:
1. Ten years from now, who will be the first player from this season that pops into my head?
2. In a giant pickup game with every NBA player waiting to play, and two fans forced to pick sides with their lives depending on the outcome of the game (I think this is how the annual Rucker League tournament works), who would be the first player picked based on the way everyone played that season?
3. If you replaced every MVP candidate with a decent player at their position for the entire season, what would be the effect on their teams' records?

"The first two questions are subjective. You might think the 2004-05 season belonged to Nash, whereas I thought it belonged to Shaq. And until this season, I would have picked Shaq first in any pickup game, you may have picked Kobe or LeBron. But the third question isn't nearly as subjective, it's also crucial to this year's dilemma. We're dealing with the deepest pool of potential MVP candidates ever (eight by my count). And I think the choice is pretty clear."

... [blah blah blah filler blah blah blah] ...

1. Kobe Bryant
"You don't know how much this kills me. Actually, you probably do. But Mamba passes all three MVP questions ...

"Question No. 1: When remembering this season 10 years from now, which player will pop into your head first?

"Answer: Kobe. The dude scored 62 in three quarters against Dallas, then 81 against Toronto a few weeks later. He's about to become the fifth player in NBA history to average 35 points a game (along with Wilt, MJ, Elgin and Rick Barry). He made up with Shaq. He made up with Phil. He made up with Nike. He appeared on the cover of Slam Magazine with a Mamba snake wrapped around him. He did everything but make the obligatory cameo on "Will and Grace." No player took more abuse from writers, broadcasters and radio hosts this season, but Kobe seemed to feed off that negative energy. It was almost Bondsian. And just when it kept seeming like he might wear down, he'd toss up another 50 just to keep you on your toes. Kobe was relentless. That's the best way to describe him this season.

"Question No. 2: In the proverbial giant pickup game with every NBA player waiting to play, who would be the first player picked this season?

"Answer: Kobe. He's the best all-around player in the league, the best scorer, the best competitor, and the one guy who terrifies everyone else. Plus, if you DIDN'T pick him, he would make it his mission to haunt you on the other team.

"Question No. 3: If you replaced every MVP candidate with a decent player at their position for the entire season, what would be the effect on their teams' records?

"Answer: If you replaced Kobe with a decent 2-guard (someone like Jamal Crawford) for the entire 2005-06 Lakers season, they would have won between 15 and 20 games. I can say that in complete confidence. Terrible team. When Smush Parker and Kwame Brown are your third- and fourth-best players, you shouldn't even be allowed to watch the playoffs on TV. Throw Kobe in the mix and they're headed for 45 wins. So he's been worth 25 victories for them. Minimum.

"In a weird way, Kobe ended up getting what he always wanted: The Lakers completely revolve around him. He gets to shoot 25-30 times per game. He gets to take every big shot at crunch-time. He gets all the credit. Nobody else on the team dares to challenge him. And even better, because he lucked out with the only possible coach who could make this cockamamie situation work, his supporting cast kills itself to make him look good.

"Basically, he's Elvis and everyone else is Joe Esposito. And it's working! That's the crazy thing.

"Now they're a sleeper in the West -- seriously, do you think Phoenix wants any part of them in Round 1? -- and have the only player in the league who can win a playoff series by himself. He's the Black Mamba, he's Kobe Bryant, he's the 2006 MVP, and since we finally have that settled, I will now light myself on fire."

What a perfect end to Lent.

Jesus is risen!  Hallelujah, there is hope for the lost!

Kobe Bryant, the 2006 MVP!  There is hope among the haters!

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Just a little more Bill Simmons, from today's playoff preview on the Laker-Suns matchup:

"Is this one of the all-time goofiest match-ups in playoff history? (I say yes.) Did the Suns look worn-down over the past few weeks, to the point that they look vulnerable heading into the playoffs? (Yes, again.) Is anyone dumb enough to bet against Kobe in a seven-game series when nobody on the other team can guard him? (Probably.) Will it even matter? (I say yes.) Will the Suns just run them off the floor? (With Phil Jackson involved, probably not.) Will you feel much differently about the 2006 MVP Race than you did before this series? (I say yes.) Can Kobe break MJ's record for most points in a series? (I say yes). And can you see where I'm going here? (That's right: Lakers in six.)"

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All right, I'm done with the sports posts.  I swear this Xanga didn't use to be this one-dimensional.  I think people enjoyed it more when I told sister stories, so maybe more of how the oldest one in college is living la vida loca, or how the middle one loves crosswords, or how the youngest one might have the best jump shot in the family.

Uh, I mean, no more basketball... really.  Ideas, anyone?

Lent:  Clarifications and an Update on Fasting from ESPN/Sports News

Objective
To abstain from sports information, NOT sports altogether.  You say wussy, I say baby steps.

Specifics

• No ESPN in any shape or form (website, TV, magazine, etc)
• No sports-themed TV networks, websites, or magazines (FSN, Sportsline, SI, etc)
• No other means of obtaining sports news (local news highlights, sports sections of newspapers, etc)
• To answer a question from a comment on my previous post, I've included Sundays.

"Loopholes"

• I can watch sporting events on non-sports channels.  For example, I can watch March Madness on CBS because CBS is not a sports network.  Same with NBA games on TNT and ABC.  (I can't, however, watch pre/postgame and halftime shows, which generally center around highlights.)  If I'm correct, that means I can only watch two more Laker games the rest of the regular season.  We have several games on ABC, but they each overlap with church on Sundays.
• I can talk about sports, but I can only solicit basic information, particularly with regard to the Lakers.  I can only know whether we win/lose and our current playoff position.  I shouldn't ask about leading scorers or any of that extra stuff.

If those "loopholes" make my fast seem lax, bear in mind that the following are my true...

Primary Vices

• ESPN Page 2 columnist Bill Simmons
• Kobe Bryant's ESPN.com Player Profile page.  I like to monitor specific stats like FG% and Shots per game, mainly with the hope that he is scoring efficiently and proving critics wrong.  (Relatively speaking, he's nowhere near as bad as people like to believe... [must resist ranting, must ...resist........]  (I love him)
• NBA standings and stats pages.
• Laker recaps written by the AP as they are being written.  Here's some random info:  It usually takes about two hours after a game for a recap to be completed.  If you click on the Recap link before then, you get drafts.  The main differences between published drafts and the finished product are the postgame quotes.  They're pretty formulaic and predictable, and I still can't help myself.
  
• GameCast for Laker games that aren't nationally televised.  Thanks to it, I experienced Kobe's 62 and 81 point games LIVE.
• Anything else I find on the Internet having to do with the Lakers.
• Sportscenter / ESPN News
• TNT's Inside the NBA with Kenny and Charles

Offenses to date

• 82games.com - In my opinion, this along with the next item have been my only two legitimate offenses so far.  Citroburst left an evil comment on my previous post citing Bill Simmons citing research done by 82games.com that supplies evidence against Kobe's clutchness.  I had to see it for myself, so without much thinking I visited 82games.com.  I won't go into it, but even based off those stats, Simmons exaggerates when he says Kobe is "one of the worst" at game-winners.  Also, the exclusion of "down by 3" situations is significant considering that I can think of at least 2 such instances where Kobe pulled through (one of them won the division title, the other took place in the NBA Freaking Finals).  See?  This is why I needed this fast.  I'm lethal with my arsenal of factoids.  ( I am a loser, and I am so, so alone. [shiver])
• Overly specific or aggressive solicitations - Occasionally when I ask about Laker games, I go too far.  After receiving word of a final result, I've instinctively followed up by asking who played well, whether it was close or a blowout, etc.
• Every time Moses watches ESPN... - Fortunately, he usually watches sports programming to which I'm indifferent like non-March Madness college basketball and MTV's Super Sweet 16.  The latter has nothing to do with anything, but it's good to know.
• Lakers-Twolves game on FSN West, a sports channel - I didn't think twice about this one.  It was the one day I spent with my cousin and Uncle Vic during my visit to LA.  Few things draw my dad's side of the family together like men dressed in purple and gold.  Something like that.
  

Things I've Learned

• It is hard ignoring Laker news.
• It is not hard ignoring non-Laker sporting news.
• It is impossible to be totally clueless.  Without even trying, I'm able to know that Team USA choked in the World Baseball Classic and George Mason reached the Final Four.
• Since I figured the lack of ESPN/sports news would free up oodles of time, I also decided to read all of the gospels during Lent.  There are many things to learn in the gospels.
• As a non-Catholic, I was never sure what to make of Lent.  More I've been able to understand it as healthy spiritual discipline and not just empty ritual.
• I underrate the importance of remembrance in my spiritual life.  I know how to push forward and look ahead, but then I might never stop and I'd easily forget how God saved me in the first place.  I think this is how many Christians turn cynical.  They think they're wising up.  Maybe they simply forget.